all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
