So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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