I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
