I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize