One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
