Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize