Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
