you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize