Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
