i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
