what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize