Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
