Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
