Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
