i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
