Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
