Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
