He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
