My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
