So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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