I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize