he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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