my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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