do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
