Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
