have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
