just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
