she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
