no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
