I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
