I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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