When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
