I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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