Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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