I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
