He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
