This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
