Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
