I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My vagina just clenched in fear
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
