He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
