WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
