I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
