Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
