Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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