It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
