I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
