Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
