i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
