I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
