so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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