the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
