You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
