Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
