This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
