o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
