im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
