You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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