Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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