dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
