My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
