he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize