I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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