I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
