It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize