Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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