Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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