I skipped work to stalk him.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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