I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize