I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
