I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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