Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
