and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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