is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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