You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
