i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
