There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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