you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Floor bacon is actually really good
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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